Readings to get you through, Part 1
Books to help you grieve, think, plan, and respond to the world around us.
Recently, I was tasked by a close friend to create a new post. The request went like this:
“So… in the spirit of Ted Gioa, I need you to create a reading list for us to read for the troubling days ahead, how to mourn, how to think, how to plan, how to fight. Of all the people I know, you are the most suited to do it. Besides, you’re snowed in, so what else ya gonna do? ;) “
I am not convinced that I am “most suited” to do this, but I definitely have my own ideas about how to do it.
I will not get into politics and the recent election in this post, but I will post readings that apply to the various situations described in the request as they pertain to the unsettled emotions said election has caused.
I hope to find some different readings from the standard lists you may see about grieving and healing, however, I will also post readings as ubiquitous as bacon for Sunday breakfast.
I am using the four points stated in the original request but may veer off a bit as each category has many sub-categories that can (or need to) be addressed. I will also keep these lists short. I leave it to you to look at the bibliographies in these books to guide you further as well as your creative search term abilities in finding other resources - resources I encourage you to share in the comments.
Also, take this as a methodology to follow. Healing yourself has to come before engaging in community affairs, social groups, organized protests, and the like. So, take this first section as the necessary foundation for the following sections.
I will post the other sections in subsequent substacks to keep this manageable.
HOW TO MOURN, GRIEVE, AND HEAL
Mourning may seem overly dramatic when it is not related directly to the death of a loved one. However, mourning can occur in many different ways - divorce, job loss, societal collapse. These books should help in the healing process.
Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor L. Frankl
If you have not read this book, do it now. We cannot avoid suffering, but we sure as hell can choose how to cope with it. Frankl puts forward his theory of logotherapy, which states that people search for meaning more than pleasure. This book, divided into two parts (the first is his experience in a nazi concentration camp), explains how to relieve the pain of suffering through the process of logotherapy. This is essential reading and I guarantee you will read it more than once.
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
This may seem an odd choice because the writing style, for some, may feel detached and unemotional, not precisely the healing salve, but, in reality, it is more about the shock at the loss of a loved one. This can be transferable to divorce or, yes, even an election. The detachment that comes with the shock of loss is palpable and resounds with the reality that everything can change within a day or a moment. Numb and dissociating.
Grieving: Dispatches from a Wounded Country by Christina Rivera Garza
I discovered this book as I was putting this list together. Cristina Rivera Garza's book of essays opens with violence in Mexico against journalists as a context to comprehend global horrors against the bodies of the most vulnerable. In an essay titled "Mourning," she relates that The Other person can't help but change us when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, questioning the stability of the individual self in the first place. Garza points out this is especially relevant to women's history: "It was a world founded on women's silence. It was a world that required the most intimate silence from women—their demise—to keep functioning.” One way to deal with this forced silence is public mourning. The public nature of this event makes us "more vulnerable" and "more human. “ This book of essays addresses much more than the somber feelings of loss of country, but also of identity and social contracts.
At Last a Life by Paul David
Admittedly, I am not big on self-help books, having read an untold amount of them to help with my anxiety and depression (with little success). Through mainly anecdotal evidence, David describes detaching oneself from the anxiety, essentially giving up the fight against it and using that detachment to alleviate the hold anxiety has on us. Although somewhat pedestrian in its writing style, it serves its subject well.
It's Ok That You're Not Ok: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine
Sometimes, you feel like a pariah or weirdo outsider because you cannot process what happened as quickly as others expect. This is for all the people who have been told, “Did you try going outside?” Devine states that how we deal with grief in our culture “is broken.” Referencing Kubler-Ross (author of “On Death and Dying”), Devine shows us that the standard steps for grieving are not a linear pathway, one leading into the next, but rather a dynamic experience that fluctuates and changes. She also reveals how simple everyday acts can trigger our grief, which is absolutely normal. It is a great book to show you that what you are going through is not unusual but entirely within the realm of humanity. Further, it is an excellent resource for someone close to a grieving person who may not know how to act.
Rising Strong by Brené Brown
Brown encourages readers to embrace vulnerability and transform failure and shame by simply re-evaluating the stories we tell ourselves. Some may find this book over-simplistic, while others will see the story-telling aspect as introspective and emotional. I only recommend this book with the caveat “results may vary.”
I would be remiss if I did not include one Alan Watts book in this list of healing resources. This could easily be included in the “How To Think” segment of this series, but I am putting it here due to my own personal experience.
The Book On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts helped me immensely when I was in my twenties when I could not see the connection between myself and my surroundings, emphasizing the anxiety and fear I was constantly barraged by. “At the root of human conflict is our fundamental misunderstanding of who we are. The illusion that we are isolated beings, unconnected to the rest of the universe, has led us to view the “outside” world with hostility and has fueled our misuse of technology and our violent and hostile subjugation of the natural world.” (Goodreads)
So, how will this help you with your grief and disappointment? Showing how the interconnectivity of disparate lives sustains and proves that we are not “individual egos walking around in bags of skin.” Your grief is shared, and your disappointment in those around you is manifested in them as well, although it may not be palpable to them yet. By understanding how we are all connected, we can alleviate feelings of sadness and loneliness, the feeling we have been cast adrift with no recourse to salvation. The human experience is a shared one.
Hundreds of other self-help books can guide you through your feelings of loss and disappointment. I personally find more solace in literature and philosophy, partially due to the escapist aspects of these genres and how they make me think more tangentially about the how and why of grief and disappointment. But that is just me. You will see many more philosophy books in the coming segments of this series.
Also, as a parting gift, this is a fun read in light of the recent election to check out: Civility and Disappointment